Kay Hanley

Today is our day off and what better way to spend that precious time than by driving to Little Rock? Oh, I know! Spending the entire rest of the day in Little Rock. Actually, I should not cast aspersions on the capital city of Arkansas because I have never been there, I don’t think. I am always open to being pleasantly surprised and I am told that there is a Benihana right in the hotel. I feel that this may be a positive.

The real purpose of today’s post is to officially introduce you to my fellow bloggers, I mean e-diarists, from the Jonas Brothers/Hannah Montana tour. I realize that it seems redundant to have 3 people who see each other every day and are doing basically the same exact thing writing about their experiences, but I am endlessly entertained by these guys. Moreover, I am always surprised by how different our perspectives are. Excuse the horrible picture - I will replace it after I can corner the guys again for another impromptu photo shoot.

mike schmid and gregg garbo

Gregg is the bass player in the Jonas Bros’ band and he is wicked smaaht and funny. While I love reading his e-diary, he has recently sent Mike and I into a tailspin of self loathing by adding a beautiful header to the front page of his blog. He thinks he’s soooo great now.

Mike lives in the bunk just below me on the tour bus. Sometimes when I am climbing up to my bunk, I wil stomp my Uggs all over his sheets in some uncontrollable passive aggressive fury. Don’t tell him though because he would be P-I-S-S-E-D. I digress. Mike is the keyboard player in Miley’s band and one of my favoritest new friends. He is also the main inspiration for me writing Strange Life in the first place so I think we can ALL thank him for that. Or not.

Check them out if you haven’t already.

xok

How clever am I to have the appropriate footwear for trucking around this fine city? Not too, you say? Well that is YOUR opinion but you are not the owner of these:

blue suede shoes. yum.

The last few shows have been totally aces, but last night in Atlanta was my favorite. The cherry on top was getting to see one of my best friends Tera and her gorgeous family. We hadn’t seen each other in 5 years but we picked up right where we left off.

ken, casey, me, tera and ryan

I was in the delivery room with Ken and Tera when Ryan was born, so it’s especially meaningful for me to see how healthy and happy he is now.

Tera has balls the size of Jupiter so when she saw all the people backstage after the show, she could not resist her primal need to add to her collection of famous people mementos. I might have dissuaded her, but I knew there was no use.

casey & ryan with joe j.

corey in the house

And she also managed to take the first picture I have seen of myself from the tour.

little ol’ me in my work uniform.

It was a great time. See you guys in less than 5 years, I hope!

Tonight is Memphis and I am looking forward to some BBQ action after the show followed by some billiards near Beale St. Prepare to have your asses handed to you, boys.

xok

Jamie and I were having a quick lunch in the hotel restaurant here in Duluth when I heard a bunch of people laughing. When I peeked around the corner (i’m nosy) I saw a pack of older women raising the roof around a private dining room table. I felt an urgent need to investigate.

Meet the Sassy Red Hatters of the Red Hat Society - Lillburn, Georgia chapter!

“The Red Hat Society began as a result of a few women deciding to greet middle age with verve, humor and elan. We believe silliness is the comedy relief of life, and since we are all in it together, we might as well join red-gloved hands and go for the gusto together. Underneath the frivolity, we share a bond of affection, forged by common life experiences and a genuine enthusiasm for wherever life takes us next.”

- Sue Ellen Cooper, Queen Mother

Dude, I am SO signing up. I am quite fond of both verve and humor but elan? Come on, now. SOLD.

xok

Last week was Miley’s 15th birthday and there were a bunch of parties for her that I missed because of my NY detour. I was happy when Miley’s teacher Linda decided to have a girls’ night out belated birthday party in her suite in Charlotte. I have to admit being a bit confused as to how one should behave at a birthday party for a 15 year old but it all came back to me when we sat on the floor eating pizza and swapping lewd and tawdry stories. Fun!

yes, everyone is this happy all the time

i missed the scrapbooking!!

I really like Charlotte and I am hopeful for a bangup show tonight. Time for my favorite part of the day: eyelash application. Laterz.

xok

I wrote an essay for my friend Jill Sobule’s blog on Yahoo. Check it out. There are tons of nasty comments from stupid idiots, but pissing off idiots makes me happy. Usually, I am asking for it but in this case I was definitely not.

My awesome sister-in-law Justine Ungaro took the photo. You can check her out on my blogroll to the right.

xok

p.s. gigantic thermometer courtesy of my neighbor bill nye the science guy.

I feel like I just woke up from a dream. After the Ft. Lauderdale show on Tuesday night, the rest of the Hannah tour rolled on to Nashville and I stayed behind to catch a flight to New York for my debut at the the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade. I have no idea where to start in retelling this story so I guess I’ll just begin at the beginning.

Last year, I was asked by American Greetings to appear in the parade to perform one of the songs I wrote with USA Mike for the Care Bears. I said yes (because I say yes to everything) not realizing what that meant (because I never really think about what happens after I say yes to things). Well sure enough, the time arrived. Macy’s arranged for first class everything so I and my family hopped on our flights in first class seats; me from Ft. Lauderdale and Michael, Zoemay and Henry from Los Angeles to meet in New York.

The car service picked me up at LaGuardia and deposited me at the London, a splendid hotel in mid-town. I dropped off my things in my spectacular suite and went down to the hotel bar for a snack and a drink. This is where the excursion began to take shape. I was walking through the lobby and ran into Fan’s dad, Elliot Lurie who also happens to manage Corbin Bleu (cutie!) who also happened to be in the parade. As we’re talking, I hear “KAY!”. I turn around and here come the Jonas Brothers, Miley’s opening act and my fellow float riders, who seemed slightly confused to see me there. Hugs and pleasantries are exchanged and I was all “I’ve been trying to tell you for 2 weeks that I was going to be here!!” No matter, we were all happy to see each other. Okay, bye lobby people, I have to eat dinner.

I’m eating and having a glass of wine and Benji & Joel Madden plop down at the bar beside me. We had all worked together on a Shut Up Stella thing last year. “Hey guys!” We chit chatted for a bit, mostly about Joel’s impending fatherhood. As it turned out, we all needed to be in SoHo so we grabbed a cab and rolled downtown together. We all hopped out at Ludlow and Houston and went our separate ways.

One of my favorite stylists, Jackie Atkins had agreed to be my stylist for the parade. She has 2 shops on Ludlow called Pear and Plum, respectively. I arrived an hour late but she was cool about it. We caught up, drank wine and tried on piles of clothes. Here’s Jackie at Pear, the shoe wing of her empire:

Michael had dropped of the kiddos at his Mom’s house in Jersey and came to meet me at Jackie’s store so we could go out to dinner and enjoy some private time before the onslaught. The 3 of us agreed on 3 possible outfits for the parade and Michael and I split to find some food. We didn’t have to go very far. I forget the name of the place (gah! why do i always do that??) but they had a bazillion beers on tap and my favorite food. Oysters from the Atlantic ocean, specifically from the freezing salty waters off the northern coast of America.

my man is wicked cute

After dinner, Michael drove me back to the hotel and we said our goodbyes and such. He went back to Jersey so he could retrieve the kids and bring them to the grandstands in the morning and I went to sleep because Jackie and my make-up gal, Amy were coming at 5:30am to get me ready for the parade. A little drunk and very happy, I slept like a dead person.

The alarm went off at 5:15am like an air raid and I reluctantly extricated my tired ass from my fluffy bed. Amy arrived right on time and I showered while she set up. Jackie was a saint and made a coffee run on the way. The 3 of us got everything done by 7:30, only 15 minutes late for my car.

amy and me and my outfit. aww yeah.

I rode over to the “talent” site with my chaperone Frances in a car that was big enough for like, 40 people. There were a bunch of buses that acted as the green room where we all waited for our turns to get on our floats.
Well lookie here, check out who’s on my bus. I’m sorry, but Joe and Nick Jonas are getting pretty darned good at the steely-eyed stare into the camera. That’s Jordin Sparks in the middle, btw. Lovely girl.

Other people on my bus? Anika Noni Rose (dreamgirls), Corbin Bleu, Ashley Tisdale, Michael Feinstein (jazzy piano dude), Willard Scott (!) and the oldest woman in the world. I tried to ask her how old she was, her name, did she need help to the bathroom, etc., but she couldn’t hear me so I can’t actually tell you anything else about her except that she is the oldest lady in the world. Or maybe just the United States. She looked quite good for her age, whatever age she may have been which I assumed to be very, very old.

Okay! It’s finally time for me to go to my Care Bears float, which is way at the end. A few things: I have never been to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade. I have been told nothing about what I am supposed to do. I mean, I walk through my everyday life in a slightly baffled state but now I am just plain old disoriented. This is what I see when I take in my Care Bears float for the first time:

oh. my. god.

Skating Care Bears. At this point, one just needs to go with it.

We start slooooowly driving (riding? floating?) down Central Park West to Columbus Circle through Times Square.
It was truly surreal.

As we cruised into the the final stretch, some guy hops on the float and puts an NBC mic in front of me with no explanation. By a careful and quick series of deductions, I assume that I am supposed to sing into it at some point. Will a song play? If so, when? Shit! I have NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING!! I hear a familiar voice which I identify as Matt Lauer’s saying something from somewhere that I can’t see about blah blah blah blah Kay Hanley. WHAT??!! I hear music - is that my Care Bears song? Yes. I am totally freaking out. How did I get here? Okay, just go with it. Wait, it’s over? What just happened? I am whooshed from my float by a pack of guys that would look perfectly appropriate running alongside a Presidential motorcade and the next thing I know I am sitting in my giant car again all by myself. I am soon joined by Michael, Zoemay and Henry and we rode back to the hotel together. Whoa.

Michael opened a half bottle of wine, I started packing my bags and the kids jumped on the bed while delighting in the fact that they could do so while switching channels on the flatscreen TV. It was beautiful.

Then it was off to Nana’s. It was awesome to spend the day with Michael’s family, some of whom I have not seen in a few years. I think this was the first time all the cousins have been in the same place together. Aww..

zoe, alex, hannah, matthew, joshua, justin and henry

Oh, and Nana has a new Golden puppy named Jessie James. The cuteness is kind of ridiculous.

By 8pm or so I was completely running on fumes so we decided to start wrapping things up. My flight to Nashville was at 7:55am so Michael, Henry Z and I got in Nana’s sweet Acura and drove back to the city. We all slept together in my gigantic bed. The alarm went off at 5am and I quietly gathered my things to head back to work. This is what was in my bed when I left NY.

I have a lot to be grateful for. The End.

xok

This weekend was strange because we had 3 days off. Jamie, Jaco, Vashon and Stacy went back to LA to shoot Miley’s video so Candice, Mike and I held it down for the trek through Florida. Our road manager Jack and ticket mistress Gabi hopped on our bus and we were treated to management style partying. Again, nothing but hot cocoa and quiet reading. Yesiree.

Friday night found us in Talahassee for a stopover while the drivers got some rest. Jack decided that Barnicle Bill’s was the plae to go so Gabi, Candice, Jack and I hopped in a cab and were treated to one of the best seafood shacks I have ever been to. Now this picture is one of those things that makes my heart practically explode with happiness. Check this shit out:

We sat at a long counter and ordered yummy ale and literally hundreds of oysters. The guy just kept shucking them and we kept eating them.

This was our happy crew.

The next day we drove to Tampa Bay for another 2 days off before our Tampa show. I was now beginning to deeply regret not going home to LA for the weekend. Thank goodness for Gabi and Mike who totally entertained me. We hung out next door to our hotel and took in the lovely view of the bay and drank some drinks.

I will pretend that the evening ended with that civilized photograph, but alas it did not. Luckily, there is no photographic evidence of the carnage that ensued.

Sunday was sleepytime. I slept and slept in my beautiful hotel room overlooking Tampa Bay and dreamt of home.

Tomorrow is the last Miley show before Thanksgiving and then I’ll be flying to NY for the Macy’s Parade. I can’t wait to see my babies, who are flying from LA with Michael to meet me there. In case you are unfamiliar with my strange life, I am riding on the Care Bears float “singing” one of the songs that Michael and I wrote and produced for the Care Bears movie. I hear it will be raining this year.

The Jonas Brothers are going to the Macy’s Parade as well but I haven’t been able to find the opportunity to engage them on the subject, really. I think they have a lot on their minds.

xok

The show last night was so-so, but our stay in Dallas was excellent. During the concert, I was really distracted because Troy Aikman was rocking out right in front of me in the 3rd row. And when I say rocking out I mean standing around looking AWESOME. I do not have a picture of that but take my word for it - he is um…distracting. And when I say distracting I mean… oh nevermind.

Stella and Atom met me for lunch at the hotel and we had a lovely time catching up. Atom and I exchanged copies of our new albums and I am planning on blasting some new Feable Weiner tout de suite. That means like, soon or something. Stella’s band Cruiserweight still doesn’t have a release date for their incredible new record, which pisses me off but I’m sure a commitment from their label is forthcoming. Quickly.

indie rock’s premier couple: atom & stella

Everyone in the band has been feeling pretty crappy since the beginning of the tour. I started the tour on antibiotics for a sinus infection and have since added a steroid inhaler and albuterol for bronchitis, but I still can’t seem to shake the baseline yuckiness. Wait, is that too much information? Anyhow, our fantastical road manager Jack ordered a doctor for us so that we could get another round of B12 shots. Jamie opted for a shot in the arm but Candice, Mike and I dropped trou faster than you can say miracle drug

I didn’t take a picture of Mike getting a B12 shot in his ass, but that’s probably for the best.

Apropos of nothing, my cashier at the pharmacy where I got my new antibiotics was named Tyra Banks. Oh, how I laughed. I may never stop laughing.

tyra banks

So now we are rolling to sexy Bossier City, La. Goodbye Dallas!

xok

I have no idea how I got so out of the swing of things with my blog all of a sudden but I’m going to do my best to catch up in a hurry because I have to spend the usual 90 minutes putting on my eyelashes and I’m running a bit behind.

Let’s start with Phoenix! Killer crowd and I got to see my best friend Naomi and her family, who drove from Vegas to hang out and see the show. Izzy was especially startstruck by the Jonas Brothers and Hillary documented the whole experience with her cellphone. I want to see that footage, Hil!

roger, eric, naomi, hillary, izzy

Later that evening I was thrilled to find out that we were finally staying in the same hotel as the crew so I jumped at the opportunity to hang out with them, which I never get to do. We had some hot cocoa and then we all read each other our favorite examples of Shakespeare’s iambic pentameter. Wrapped things up with some microwave popcorn and I was in bed asleep by 11:30. That’s how I remember it. Yup.

the hardest working people in showbiz

Then we got on the bus, played a show, did a bunch of stuff, maybe played another show and then had a day off in one of my favorite places in the world: Dallas, Texas. The guys went golfing so Candice and I hopped in a cab for a masive mall to do some major shopping. Now, if you knew me, you would be aware that i HATE shopping but Candice is a total pro so I felt that it would be stupid to not tag along. The day began auspiciously:

It was a lovely day off. Thanks for showing me a good time, Candy-o.

More on Dallas later - I gotta go do my thing.

xok

Oh, it was all so easy before; back in the olden times of 3 weeks ago when we were just starting out. Way back then, I knew that if I forgot my favorite jammies, eye cream, Arrested Development dvd, various unmentionables, etc., I’d be back home in Los Angeles to collect said items and then get a second chance, even. Not anymore. I don’t even think there are like, stores or currency once we get into the middle of this thing. I am so screwed.

Staples Center. Awesome. So many reasons. So few words. But you know me - I’ll do my best. Michael decided to take Henry out for a boys night and avoid the madness, which freed Zoemay to go with her girlfriends and gave me the chance for one last hurrah with my MILFy homegirls from the ‘hood *ahem, the val*. Carol supplied the tickets, I supplied the backstage passes, Courtney supplied the ruthlessly sarcastic wit and the girlie-os supplied the cuteness. If you put a gun to my head and forced me to pick just one reason for me to have taken this job it would be:

miley, isabel, zoemay, kate

Then we all went back to the tour bus to ride back to Studio City and say goodbye. I miss you already.

the rockers, the soccers and the von halens. hollaaa!!!

I dropped Hank off at school for the last time at 8:45am while Z got to sleep in because we got back so late. Michael and I dropped her off at school around 10:30am and expected to get the stinkeye from her teacher. Ms. C was very understanding, thank heavens. I think I might have fallen apart completely if I had to say goodbye to Z under any sort of harshness. As it was, I could barely let her go and only left the classroom because I was about to cry in front of a bunch of 3rd graders.

Yesterday was San Diego. After the pandemonium of the LA show, SD was a bit of a let down. Sorry San Diego Sports Arena, it’s not you, it’s me. The exciting thing for me about yesterday was hooking up with Fan and Kristen from Shut Up Stella after the show. I loved every single second that I got to spend with them. Some things just don’t change.

And now I am here in Phoenix after having slept half the night on the couch in the front lounge of the bus. I have to stop doing that. Naomi and her family are coming tonight so it should be another awesome hang.

xok