Kay Hanley

Let The Markets Decide!

March 15th, 2008

Ok, let’s! Well it appears that the markets have decided that if you remove all the rules and regulations from the way in which American corporations can operate, some corporations will eventually operate with myopic gluttony, blow off time tested risk aversion strategies in the pursuit of unreasonable profit margins and the American economy will implode. Dude, lesson TOTALLY learned.

The shocking near collapse of Bear Stearns this week is a reminder that government regulations on corporations are not handcuffs meant to impose needless restrictions on free enterprise. Government regulations are meant to protect corporations from the single most dangerous threat to themselves: greed.

The Federal Reserve is now involved in the Faustian task of recklessly bailing out all the greedy assholes that could not restrain themselves from gorging on poisonous sub-prime loans and cheap cash bundled up by the billions in unregulated hedge funds.

Why can’t the Fed let Bear Stearns die in the fiery wreck of its own stupidity and hubris, survival of the fittest style? Well, first of all, the Federal Reserve and the Bush administration have shown their true colors during this mess by revealing that they only care about letting the markets decide when the bulls are running, not when the markets are deciding to exact punishment on bad corporate actors. The other reason is the only acceptable one: If this “venerable” old institution collapses, it could take the entire American economy down with it. And as the American economy goes, so goes the rest of the world.

Dump your stock portfolio first thing Monday morning.

xok

And The Award For The Most Annoying Person In The World Goes To…..

January 23rd, 2008

Do you shake your fists toward an uncaring god, frustrated that you can’t get through to JC Penney customer service on your rotary phone? Is that abacus not adding up the bingo chips quickly enough for your liking? Have you recently stumbled upon the realization that you are the only gal in the neighborhood who rocks curlers, a housecoat and a lip-dangling Tareyton 100 to the supermarket? Are you feeling like Mr. Roper in a Dr. McDreamy world? Also, are you a total f*#@ing moron?

Well I have just the person who can help you. Apparently Miss Crazyeyes here can get you the “high speed action you’ve been craving” (gross!!!) via some company called HughesNet that has some satellites in space. That’s not complicated at all. Why remove the magical technology box from your phone jack and plug it into your existing cable rig when you can beam your already too challenging internet thingy into outer space and back?

don’t look away or…

my eyeball lasers will smite you in this crappy hotel room

Miss Crazyeyes appears maybe kinda pissed off but mostly she seems desperate. For a date with your horny, drunk uncle Harold. I hate her.