Kay Hanley

  

I used to be a waitress.  I dropped out of college and needed to earn a living so from ages 18-25 I served people food and drinks.  My hobby was being in a rock band so the demands on my evenings and wee hours required me to have a job that took my rock & roll moonlighting into consideration.  It was said to me on many occasions by various bosses and diners that I was in fact, the worst waitress they had ever seen.  The reason I was such a hopeless waitress was due to a variety of factors:  my horrible time management skills, failure to consolidate tasks, the afore mentioned attention deficits and inability to prioritize, among other things.  If I needed to get a diet coke for table 1 and ketchup for table 2, i would invariably make 2 trips even though the diet cokes and ketchup were in the same place.  Extrapolate this stupidity forward to include 8 tables, a lunch rush and and a dozen other customer service requirements and you can see how my disorganization might result in unhappiness for everyone involved.  On my end, the chaos that ensued every time I put on an apron and stuck a pen behind my ear has a chilling terminology that every person that has ever been in the restaurant business will know and fear:  I was always in the weeds.

I would frequently dream about showing up for my waitressing shift only to find out that all the other waitresses had called in sick just as a busload of elderly sightseers came pouring into the dining room, demanding to be seated all at once.  They would want separate checks, ice water with lemon (which I would have forgotten to slice during set-up) and endless substitutions, thus rendering the menu pointless.  A couple of 4 tops of businessmen would get seated and they would be in a hurry because they only had an hour for lunch.  The owner of the restaurant would decide to pop in with a bunch of sommeliers to show off his amazing wine list and reasonably expect me to open, describe and pour every one of them  I would wake up in a flop sweat;  just as terrified as if I had dreamt of a knife wielding rapist cornering me at a deserted truckstop.   I anticipated every shift with crippling knots in my stomach, knowing with bleak certainty what was coming.   

 

In the last few years of my restaurant career, I was taken in by a group of incredible restauranteurs who quickly identified my absurd lack of ability while taking into account that I possessed some mitigating qualities that made my employment salvageable.   Some examples?  Excellent penmanship (for addressing invitations), superior phone voice (taking reservations), reasonable knife skills (chopping stuff for the expo line), and good old fashioned Boston Irish Catholic charm (bartending, of course. but only on slow nights).  Even after Cleo was earning a living and I was touring the world, I would go back to work for them in between tours and recording, wherever they were.  It was in those years, tagging along with Christopher and Esti like an over-eager puppy, that I became passionate about food and wine, which has in turn become the basis for the happiest and most enriching substance of my life.  If you are ever in Boston you MUST check them out at Radius, Via Matta or Great Bay.

 

Back to my initial thought that triggered this ramble.  In the weeds.  Those words still make my blood run cold.  I am so grateful that the universe found a way to spare me and the dining public the misery of Kay Hanley, the worst waitress of all time.

-xok 

Ok, I’m mostly better aside from a few lingering aches and pains. Man, having pneumonia totally sucked.

I am back in Los Angeles with my cherished family & friends. I also went back to work this week, which meant going to lots of meetings, drinking 100 cups of coffee and eating the excellent fresh food that Los Angeles is famous for. Wait, is LA famous for that? LA is famous for a lot of things including being the #1 place on Earth where people go to meetings, %27 of which seem to be attended by me and Michelle.

I was layed up for the Grammys so I never made it out, but some of my favorite people were in town for the occasion. At the top of the list? My longtime attorney Elliot Groffman and his wife Hillary. To illustrate just how deep the connection is, their children named the family dog Cleo in 1995. In any event, they managed to do the impossible, which was to snag a coveted lunch reservation at Mozza. Michael and I got to be their dates and we were treated to incredible food combined with the loveliest company we could ever ask for.

the groffmans always get a table.

I have only had rare occasion to mention this until now, but I have an unbelievably cool group of friends in LA. Last weekend, when I was feeling better, Greg & Amiira Behrendt hosted a pizza party playdate to welcome me home. The pizza party playdate is like a normal playdate except for it’s at night, all the dads come and there’s wine. It felt great to catch up with everyone and watch the kids run around.

hometown throwdown

nina & ivy

wee princesses

my boyfriend jackson petty!

On an entirely different subject: Facebook, Facebook. Why have you become the bain of my existence? Why have you turned even my most moderate and intelligent acquaintences into vampiric, popularity seeking, invitation whoring spam machines? I don’t want a virtual drink. I don’t want to write on a fun wall. I don’t have time to play scrabble with you, although that one sounds at least a little bit fun. I definitely don’t want a hug, a kiss, a poofight, to confirm that I’m hot, an orgasm, join the Oregon Trail (6 requests!), good karma or a superpoke. And since I turn down the majority of friend requests from people that I don’t know, these are presumably from my actual friends although I haven’t gone through the 100 or so pending requests to confirm this.

The reason I bring it up is because there is one delightful side of Facebook. Sometimes you really do reconnect with people you might not otherwise. Case in point: The exceptional Melissa, whom I know through my friend Nina, is an American living in Paris. She contacted me through Facebook and now I know that she too, has a blog. It’s called Guaranteed Personality, which makes me like it automatically, but clever title aside, it is a top-quality read. Funny, sarcastic, smart, insightful. Check out my new favorite smarty pants, Mademoiselle Cuckoo.

xok

Our supposed 10 hour drive from Albany to Rochester, MI. has also been extended thanks to a tanker truck falling off I75 and onto a house, causing a massive explosion/fire and closing the interstate. One of the other drivers tipped off Wildman moments after it happened and he was able to jump off just in time to avoid the chaos.

Last night was the Jonas Bros’ last night on the tour. It was a bummer to see them go. The guys, their band and crew were top notch and it was a pleasure to spend the last few months sharing the road with them. I wish them nothing but love and luck.

After the show in Albany we hunkered down for a long drive. The post show bus food sucked, but everyone was in excellent spirits nonetheless. Mike, Candice and Vashon jockeyed for position in the front seat.

everyone likes to sit next to wildman.

I can’t believe that with all of the music fans on our bus we’ve never had a DJ party before. Stacy decided to man the decks, I mean commandeer my laptop, and entertain us for a few hours.

dj jazzy stace

I realize that I have gotten lazy about my once vigorous blog habit so once again, let’s run through the hightlights of the past week!

The Obama speech was thrilling, yes, but I would be remiss if I did not mention the lovely new friends that I made in Cleveland. Stacy and Jamie invited me to crash dinner plans with their friends Norman and Aaron from Alternative Press, both of whom turned out to be the funnest, smartest guys (even though AP totally dissed Letters To Cleo any chance it got, it was not their fault, I’m sure…) and took us to the best meals I’ve had so far on the tour. Bar Cento was an Italian place where I had quite literally the best salad of my life which was composed simply of butter lettuce, mint, shaved Parmigiano Reggiano and cider vinaigrette. Momocho was a Mexican fusion-y place in their neighborhood. Ohio city, I think?

guacamole is yummy and green.

choosy hipsters choose momocho

Before I left Cleve-town, I was able to have coffee with my dear friend Ed Zeitz. Why didn’t I get a picture??! Meh.

Some other stuff, perhaps a show or 2 took place and then it was off to the exquisite Ritz Carlton in Georgetown for a day off before our DC concert. Oh wait, I didn’t get a day off in Georgetown. I slept in my magnificent bed for a grand total of 3 hours and then I had to get on a plane to Boston to perform at Hot Stove Cool Music, a Red Sox-ish related charity event that I perform at every year. For those of you who only know me as Miley’s backup singer or a person who has touched Nick Jonas, it may help now if I explain that I am also a not very well known indie rock musician!

On Sunday morning, my manager Michael Creamer picked me up at Logan airport, I did my laundry at his house, went to soundcheck at the Paradise which was really a 90 minute rehearsal because I had a brand new guy on guitar (nice job craig!), checked into my boston hotel, scarfed down some food, took a shower, got dressed, went back to the Paradise and played the show, slept for 3.5 hours and got on a plane back to DC. I was pretty much a nervous, exhausted wreck the whole time, but that fact was offset by my happiness that I got to hang out with all of my Boston friends.

o’malley, dicky and gammons do the not so silent auction

One of my sweetest conversations of the evening was with Theo Epstein, who with his wife recently had a baby. I can talk breastfeeding and sleep training until the cows come home. Or the sun comes up. Or until the fat lady sings. Or the shit hits the fan. Whatever. Theo had a baby and he is STOKED, as am I for him.

why is this lady so happy??

I also had the pleasure of meeting my new favorite person, Lori McKenna. She, too is a mom/musician whose husband is a sexy saint. We have a lot in common and I look forward to writing with her and Michelle when she comes to LA.

work that camera, girl.

Musical revelation of the night? Eli “Paperboy” Reed. Oh my god, this kid blew my mind. He seemed like a regular guy with an off kilter sense of style when I spoke to him backstage, so I couldn’t imagine why people were going bananas over him until he took the stage and turned into a demon possessed preacher man. My pictures stink (what else is new?) but trust me, Eli is off the chain.

testify, young eli.

I sat in with The Peter Gammons All-Stars for a rendition of J. Geils’ “House Party” and who should I see on stage but Seth Justman, the guy responsible for some of J. Geils’ greatest songs. Centerfold? Freezeframe? Must Of Got Lost??? Hello?! I was a little google-y eyed while talking to him, to be honest.

seth is wicked cool

Rookie Of The Year goes to Corin Ashley, for sure. I called Corin a few hours before the show to ask if he’d care to join me onstage to swing a tambourine and sing a little. Not only did he say yes but then when he was asked to jump in as a last minute replacement for Aaron Perrino on “House Party” he gamely agreed and proceeded to steal the show. Corin rules, he really does. Here’s a pic that Stacy Lynes took of us:

awww.. pals.

When the evening was over, Hot Stove raised $200,000 for Theo Epstein’s Foundation To Be Named Later. What an amazing accomplishment. See you all at Fenway this summer!

xok

After the Newark show on Saturday night, the band hopped on the bus and headed to NY to check into the Mansfield. We were hoping to get there fast because it was Michael’s 40th birthday and I booked a 9:30 table at Tailor in SoHo for the occasion. As it turned out, we had exactly 15 minutes to check in to the hotel and get dressed for dinner. Gaahhhh!!!!! Stacy, his wife Jade, Jamie, Candice and I managed to pull it together and arrive pretty much on time. The restaurant was incredible and all 15 of us had a blast toasting to the anniversary of the birth of my favorite guy.

jade, candice, justine, jamie and me.

Our friend Mark Quigley took some shots:

the birthday boy gets his wish

jamie, me and candice

casey and quigley courtesy of the fung wah

Here’s a question: Why are Quigs’ pictures so much better than mine? Is it because he uses Flickr and I export directly from my iPhoto? I suck. Grrr…

the gang

yum!

Food was great, the company was even better. Now USA Mike gets to go back to LA for the west coast leg of his birthday party tour at Hungry Cat. I’m jealous, but still so grateful that we were able to assemble such a fantastic crew in NY. Make sure you take loads of pix next weekend, LA people!

The next day, Michael went back to Nana’s in Jersey to pack up the kids and head back to LA. My bandmates and I had to go play another show in Newark. The highlight was our trip back from the show because a) we got to leave Newark forever and b) we had a high speed police escort, complete with 3 squad cars and flashing sirens, that blasted our 2 Miley vans back to the Lincoln tunnel. Sweet!

Candice and I made a deal with our new favorite hair guy, Scott Dowers and his lovely wife Angel. We gave him one of our rooms for 2 nights over New Years while he & Angel cut, colored, curled and made us up for our various festivities. I don’t know what I’ll do when I have to go back home and use normal people for these kinds of things. I love them.

They had done our hair and makeup for the show, so when we got back to Mid-town, we were pretty much ready to go. I had plans with my friend Mario to meet up that night so Candice, Jason and I grabbed some dinner and headed to Mario’s hotel room. It was just supposed to be a chill night with a few cocktails and laughs but as soon as we got to his room he had a change of heart. Okay! Let’s go watch the trangendered entertainer Candace Kayne at a packed and insanely loud gay bar! Truth be told, Candace is as fabulous as they come so it was a good time.

mario & candace sittin’ in a tree…

Mario had to be up early the next morning so we highjacked his friend Mike to see if we could find some fun stuff to do in NY. We succeeded, of course. One of the strangest things I encountered was this bizzare painting at an Irish pub, which would not have required more than a glance before the Miley tour. Billy Ray Cyrus is prominently featured.

why??

I woke up on New Year’s Eve morning not feeling so hot, but after a massive infusion of coffee, advil and a gallon of water I was on the comeback trail. Angel and Scott came to my and Candice’s cozy room for glam squad duty.

scott does his thing

angel does hers…

Miley and the band went and performed on Dick Clark’s NYE thing in Times Square so the rest of us took advantage of the night off. I don’t understand how I ended up with practically no pictures from our crazy evening but sadly, it’s true. We had a great time ringing in the New Year and I hope you did too. Here’s to 2008..

xok

I am totally overwhelmed by the volume of pictures and information that I accumulated over our holiday in my kickass hometown of Boston, Massachusetts (and environs) so I am just gonna blaze through the highlights.

My childhood buddies Kevin and Jeff came with their kids to the Providence show. I hadn’t seen them in over 20 years so it was funny to reconnect now that we are creaky (yet exceedingly well-preserved) old people. My sister Patricia also came with her posse. Kevin arrived bearing Dorchester hoodies, one for me and one for Miley, with our names embroidered on the sleeve. I LOVE mine (and my OFD tee shirt - holla!), although I’ll have to put electrical tape over my name when I hold up that liquor store. Either that or borrow Miley’s.

dot rats reprazent.

A huge portion of the Hanley lineage was in the house for the Worcester show. It was quite something to see my Dad rocking out in the 3rd row. Henry just about lost his mind when he met the Jonas Bros backstage but Erin and Zoemay kept their cool.

*calmly swooning*

Most of the tour flew back to LA after the Worcester shows but I stayed behind at the Four Seasons where Michael, Zoemay and Henry had come to spend the holiday with me on the East Coast. My sister Patricia had the good sense to organize a Very Hanley Christmas so that it would happen on Christmas Eve Eve (the day before henry’s 5th birthday) at Legal Seafood right next to our hotel. I CANNOT believe that I didn’t photograph the 4 dozen oysters that we ate, but that might be explained by the fact that we ate them with great, um, speed and elan. Henry ate about a dozen on his own.

can’t. eat. any. more. oyst…. ok, one more.

Henry got some fun birthday presents, some of which he shared with his cousins.

moustaches are always funny

We sang Happy Birthday to my beautiful little guy with some chocolate cake and then it was time to go. Patricia and her family drove back to Hanover and my parents went back to Cape Cod, but not before we decreed that from this day forth, A Very Hanley Christmas would be held in a restaurant so someone else could do the damn dishes. My sisters Maryellen and Elizabeth and my bro-in-law Tim walked back to hotel with us so the guys could watch the football game. The girls and I excused ourselves to the pub across the street where I peer pressured them into drinking an Irish Car Bomb. God, I am such an asshole sometimes, but I am also very mature, so whatevs. The reviews were mixed but I could tell that Maryellen, ever the purist, felt like we were defiling the Guinness.

YAY! SISTERS!

Christmas Eve was just for the 4 of us. We bundled the kids up and went sightseeing. I saw sights that I’ve seen a million times before but it’s different when you see sights with your own children that have never really seen those same sights.

the public garden

make way for duckling (!)

We made it back to the hotel and got ready for Santa. I can’t believe he knew that we were staying at the Four Seasons, but I guess that’s why he’s Santa. The kids were STOKED!

Christmas Day was a long one, but we had a fabulous time. We drove to my aunt and uncle Nancy & Rick’s in Bristol, RI for some more Hanley family merriment. Their house is gorgeous and they are, needless to say, excellent people.

so pretty….

Michael and Tim held their annual War Against Christmas meeting. They have to change locations every year so Bill O’Reilly won’t find them and expose their shadowy network of 2 and nefarious plans to eradicate Christmas from the planet Earth. Those liberal elitists are super clever.

they must be destroyed. or hugged.

My Mom REALLY likes to buy the grandchildren matching jammies at Christmas and then photograph them. I wonder how long the 5 of them will go for it.

ok, it’s super cute.

Then we hopped in the rental car and headed for Nana’s for a few days. Michael’s still there with the babes but we are meeting in SoHo tonight for his birthday party. Back to work, now….

xok

Lexington, KY kicks off our re-cap.

Apparently, we played in front of more people at this venue than any other on the tour thus far. Almost 40 million people in attendance! Can you believe that? I finally remembered to bring my camera on stage with me for the occasion. 

 my perspective on things

  joe jonas in flight

j joe jonas in flight

me and candy-o punching the clock 

 CINCINNATI 

Then we went to Cincinnati and played a show, I guess. I don’t remember a single thing about what happened there but here’s a picture that Stacy took of a crazy old bag lady that was hanging around outside of our bus one day.

 poor dear.

TORONTO

There was much hand wringing and gnashing of teeth regarding our border crossing into Canada for the Toronto show. People were extremely concerned about concealed contraband, weapons and criminal records. Me? Clean as a goddamned whistle. Except for that little thing about the stuff and the thing a few years back. It was not even my fault, but whatever. Can we stop talking about this now? Jeez.

  

Toronto, Canada.  I love Canada.  I spent my childhood summers in Nova Scotia.  Some of my favorite bands of the last decade hail from that part of North America. Beautiful, wonderful socialized medicine is a hallmark of their sense of social justice and political enlightenment. The people look foxy but are still polite and friendly. These days, Canada could even be described as a tophat on a turd, but only for another year or so. I hope.  I love you Canada, and I hope you and I get to spend more time together. Let’s not just say it, but really MEAN it this time.

Anyhoo..we got to Toronto and it was snowing. We had a day off before the show but I spent most of the day sleeping. Michael has been telling me forever about his favorite Toronto restaurant, Kit Kat and with the aid of our lovely concierge we were able to score a table at the last minute. I award Kit Kat 4 “hollas” on a scale of 1-5, which is nearly a perfect score, given my level of food-ish knowledge and snobbery. Oh, and I promise to stop using the word holla as soon as I get back

 

home and I have to act my age again.    

We went back to the hotel for a nightcap and ran into a bunch of our other tour people who had the same idea. Management was returning from a very high powered meeting over steaks and red wine and Miley had just come back from a play with her mom Tish, whom I do not socialize with much outside of work. I really like her so it was nice to have a regular conversation that did not revolve around the task at hand.

Then my 15 year old friend made us crash some company’s christmas party at the hotel. Did it occur to me to put the kibosh on the tomfoolery?  No. I seriously have no self discipline, but I do have a very fun life, so here we are. 

gatecrashers 

I danced for awhile and then snuck out so that I could catch Michael and the kiddos for a video iChat before they went to bed.   I am so close to seeing them, I can hardly believe it.  We will be living the life of Riley when we get to Boston. 

 zeros and ones make a happy family

Toronto, to be continued….xok

Gabi and I met in the hotel bar for a little business tête - à - tête and dinner last night. We were sharing a salad and decided that it could use a bit of seasoning. A waiter was summoned and cracked pepper was requested. The whole exchange was so mundane until….

is that your pepper mill or….?

Oh, boy. We got a lot of mileage out of that one.

Tonight’s show in Detroit was fab and the Rock City crowd lived up to all expectation by being super loud and appreciative. Randy (cleokid for those of you in the know) came to the show with his wife and 2 daughters and it was great to see them all rocking in the 5th row (thanks gabi!).

me & the cleokiddies, kelsie and karlie.

We had the longest soundcheck of all time because of a monitor glitch so I entertained myself by pouting and taking pictures. Miley got a new coat at yesterday’s trip to the mall:

i. am. so. jealous.

At the beginning of the tour I almost got my head taken off several times by the pyrotechnics during the song “Start All Over” by being a space cadet and walking right into the explosions. Quick thinking and logical Pyro (real name Steve - he runs the pyro coincidentally enough!) decided to avert an inevitable catastrophe by taping this helpful message on my riser:

thanks pyro!

Time for sleepy.

xok

The show in Little Rock was marred by illness (more on that in a moment) but Candice and I got permission to do our hair differently so as far as I’m concerned it was the best show of the tour so far. Ask anyone who was there and they will tell you that my and Candice’s hair-dos and resulting performances were off the chain.

The other highlight for me was at the previously hyped Benihana (before they tried to poison everyone) when I ran across this interesting crew:

ladies..

….and gentlemen

They were all coming from a cotillion! I’m still not exactly sure what that is but I know that the tradition has strong roots in southern culture and is meant to promote manners and respect between the sexes. I thought it was so cute that the kids (all 6th graders) had spent the afternoon mingling as little adults and then the second they got to Benihana they split ranks entirely. Ah…those were heady days if I remember correctly.

But all was not bliss at Benihana on that night. The food was fairly gross to begin with but poor Stacy and Charlie spent the next 24 hours vomiting. That left the rest of us wondering if we were next. I couldn’t tell if my tummyache was a sympathy one or if all hell was about to break loose but I am happy to report that nothing major came of it.

we should have seen it coming