Shredders.
Oh YouTube, how do I love thee? Once you sort through the endless piles of crap, one can find some of the best entertainment ever to be beheld. And so, I am here say that I have done some sorting for you. Ladies and gentlemen, the value of the gift I am about to give you cannot be measured by any currency that humanity has ever come up with. If you have never seen this stuff before, today will mark a new chapter in your meaningless life. If you are all “Um.. duh, Kay. I only saw these like, a year ago.” To that I say, fair enough, but I dare you to watch them again and not have tears streaming down your face. Oh, you think I’m being hyperbolic? Yeah, we’ll see about that.
I hope this finally proves once and for all that I love you. I know you’re always bitching feeling real bad lately about how I don’t buy you candy and flowers and shit anymore. How I don’t “value” your time or “respect” all the things you do for me. I know, baby. I can be selfish sometimes. But you gotta know that even when I’m ignoring you and seeing other people on the side, I always wanna come back to you and rock that body. When it’s convenient for me and I’ve had a few too many drinks, it’s always YOU, sexy. You know that. Now let me tap that ass and get outta here, kitten. You’re the best. I need 5 bucks by the way. Got that on you? Cool, cool. Actually, hold that thought on the ass tappin’ thing. I just remembered something but I will totally be right back in a few days hours. Take these youtube videos as a miniscule token of our special love. Just sit right there looking as beautiful as you are, bathed in the diffused light peeking through the drapes of this Super 8 motel room and how could I NOT come right back? Don’t bother making the bed - they’ve got people for that. Sometimes I wonder if you grew up in a barn. I mean, how are you even comprehending this right now? Can you even READ? Jesus Christ, don’t you know anything?! You know what? Now you’re just pissing me off. Where’s my 5 bucks? Make it 10 now, just for being such a pain in my ass. Yeah, don’t talk so much, you. Make sure there’s a 6 pack of tall boys on ice when I get back or there will be no end to how annoyed I am going to be with you.