Kay Hanley

The Red Sox lost last night.  The Earth’s financial schemes are collapsing.  My favorite morning radio show with Adam Corolla is being overrun with ads calling for people to vote yes on a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage as well as a weird dating website for people who want to cheat on their spouses.  Our nation is squandering blood and treasure in 2 wars, one of which is (or was) completely unnecessary and the other a victim of neglect.  There is the possibility, however remote, that John McCain and his foxy coadjutor, Sarah Pailin, may ascend to the highest office in modern civilization.   It’s Monday morning and I have a teenager style breakout and to add insult to injury I totally chose the wrong frames at Lenscrafters and now I look like this:

Where is the fairness in the world?  There is none, I tell you.

SIGH….. Whatever.  Here is some stuff that happened over the past few weeks, months, years.  I don’t even know anymore.  

we backed up billy ray at miley’s sweet 16

 the amazing gary & justine got married in dc

 met up with jessie in london

 kelly ozbourne interviews miley backstage in london

schmidley, me and nadia pub crawling in the ldn 

I’m off to sing some Care Bears songs and then at the insistence of a horrified USA Mike, go exchange my ill chosen glasses at the mall.  I hate the mall.  But he hates my new glasses more than I hate the mall.  Done and done.

xok 

When I started this little writing experiment last Fall it was because I wanted to document my first gig as a back-up vocalist.  On the biggest concert tour in history.  Also, Greg Garbo from the Jonas Brothers and Miley’s keyboard player, Mike Schmid were both blogging so I felt it was my responsibility to talk about myself too, because lordy knows they were not going to talk about me nearly enough for my liking.  I have a track on Weaponize called Strange Life so I christened my blog with that title.  It seemed fitting.

Here we are, 10 months later and my life has never been stranger.  I mean this in a good way. It is a rare thing, indeed, for a person to have a career and personal life that so vastly blows away anything that mere imagination could concoct.

For example, this was how I spent last Friday morning, courtesy of Vashon’s iPhone at The Today Show in NYC as we prepared to soundcheck for Miley’s set.

nadia and me get ready to shake them asses.

In other news, my girlies from the late, lamented Shut Up Stella continue to kick ass and take names on their solo projects.  Jessie Malakouti just released this video for the song, Trash Me.  She wrote, produced and financed the video by herself which is a stunning accomplishment no matter what the final result.  The fact that it looks gorgeous is frosting, baby.  Check my little sis out:

Dinner at Hungry Cat tonight with USA, Ryan McMillan and his wife Alana.  So excited.

xok 

Fan_3 just sent me this video that she made. Homegirl has BALLS. I love this.

I’m just about finished packing for my flight to NY tomorrow where I will be joining the Miley Cyrus Experience for the Z100 show followed by a private event for Net Jets. To answer your obvious follow up question, no, I am not flying on a Net Jet. I have a cozy little compartment in the baggage hold of an early morning FedEx flight. This works out fine because I have a couple of Xanax, a flask of Southern Comfort and Hello Kitty sleeping bag. I’ve been told that these planes only fly at 32,000 ft so I will most likely have enough oxygen to survive the trip but even if I don’t, I will be none the wiser.

The past week was pretty eventful. Saturday, Miley played at Wango Tango, the radio fest for KIIS out here in LA. I got to see the Jonas Brothers and their band, whom I adore, as you may know. We played some new songs and we also got new wardrobe. It doesn’t take much to make me happy. Candy-o and I went to the celebrity gifting suite, which is a thing that I’ve heard about, but have never gotten to partake in. In a nutshell, a bunch of retailers set up booths in a location where celebrities may or may not be and they GIVE their stuff to them in the hopes that their stuff will show up in US Weekly. Please kill me for knowing this.

free stuff? for us? no we couldn’t!

i like the jobros. they’re nice.

After the show we booked it to our van as fast as we could and blazed back to LA for Justine’s birthday party. We arrived with plenty of time to spare.

the best sister-in-law EVER

i suffered a booty shaking injury because of conroy’s dj skillz

Sunday was

Mothers Day. I had a leisurely morning with the people whom I gave birth to and the father of those people. It was lovely. USA Mike knows how much I miss the the WRKO broadcast of the Red Sox games so for that reason (among others) he got me XM radio for my car and the house. Yay.

Then Z and I went over the hill to check out the video shoot where Miley & Mandy were doing their thing. Apparently they’ve got some kind of dance feud going with the ACDC Crew so they decided to lay the smack down with a huge production. Ah, the world would be a much better place if we could all just lay down our weapons and settle our conflicts through dance battles.

 

b-girlz!!!!

 

 

 

Time for sleepy. Be back soon with reports from the weekend..

 

xok

 

 

USA Mike has been in the studio producing an album for the lovely Lauren for the past week and a half so I have cut back my work schedule to take on some serious mommy duty.  Honestly, I don’t know how stay-at-home moms do this job 7 days a week.  It’s really exhausting.  The nice part, aside from spending rare daytime hours with the kiddos, is that I’ve been doing a lot of cooking and entertaining at home.                 

Jack had a few weeks off from the Jonas Brothers tour so he and Ashlee, one of my favorite ladies from the Miley tour, came over last Friday for dinner.  It was great to catch up with them and get all of the latest news of their lives.  Ash is putting in some major time with her drum lessons and Jack is about to embark on a hugely ambitious year with the JoBros.  Henry and Z are always over the moon to hang out with cool people that they met on tour.

jack, ashlee & z 

ash & z with the lushis-mobile                 

 Over the weekend, we had our somewhat regular Sunday pool party bbq.  During the summer months (when we aren’t in boston) we try to get as many people as possible over to our house on the weekends to swim, eat and drink.  The last variable of that equation usually has me feeling like shit on Monday morning, but it’s always worth it.

luke, kate & henry 

luke & isabel 

 omg, it’s milo & jackson!!!

Last week, I went to the 40th birthday party of one of my best girlfriends, Kaylyn Thornal.   At some point during our 15 year friendship, I became a soccer mom and she became a hot lesbian director.  It’s as if that song “Ebony & Ivory” was written just for us, but instead of a song about blacks and whites, it’s breeders and dykes.  I’m not sure who’s Stevie Wonder and who’s Paul McCartney in this relationship but I love her a lot and she, me.

mish, kaylyn, fan & kristen 

me & my besties.

Michael & I just bought a painting  by the artist Tim Bavington.  As always, the brilliant Naomi was the person who introduced this beautiful piece of art into our lives but I have to be honest:  I am terrified now that I have this thing in my house.   If Henry throws one of his Indiana Jones daggers in the wrong direction, we will be screwed to the tune of a new car and then I will be forced to administer a near fatal beating to my own flesh and blood.  Trust me when I say that I can think of a dozen similar scenarios between my children and this painting that might reasonably result in me resorting to some kind of violence, and that’s kind of scary.  Hey, beauty is truth. Sometimes brutally so.  Check out our awesome new painting!

naomi & the bavington   

 For those of you who have asked for my opinion on the Miley Cyrus maelstrom, here is my answer.  

 i don’t care. nor should you.

Solidarity,

Kay 

Miley was the featured performer at the Houston Rodeo and Livestock show last night so the whole lot of us - band, dancers and crew- got together again to put on a show for 74,000 people. Billy Ray joined the band for 2 songs while Hannah changed into Miley and absolutely brought the house down. If you had told me 6 months ago (or ever, for that matter) that I would be two steppin’ and singing backup vocals on Achy Breaky Heart I would have, um… I have no idea what I would have done but it would have seemed unlikely. Now that the absurd scenario has become reality, I will state for the record that it was totally awesome.

Rodeos are kind of weird if you don’t mind my saying so. After our 3 hour sound check (grr…) I took care of what I needed to in a hurry so I could get back and watch the cowboys riding the bulls.We had plum position from our backstage area, which literally put us within spitting distance of the riders and animals. The cowboys were looking sharp with crisp shirts tucked perfectly into brand spankin’ new dungarees. Top that look with a sweet cowboy hat, some well-worn boots and a lasso and I turned into a drooling fan girl. Who knew? Needless to say, I was giddy to see the guys do their thing, which I was guessing would involve riding and then getting thrown off of a very strong and scary beast. Yum! The first guy came out of gate on a turbo charged horse. But hold on a second, he’s chasing a calf who is running for his life to get away. What the…?? Within 20 seconds, the cowboy had lassoed the calf by his neck, an action that jerked the calf’s body violently and slowed him down enough so that the cowboy was able to leap from the speeding horse and wrestle the calf to the ground where he tied the hind legs together and threw his arms into the air to stop the clock. The little calf just laid there helplessly until he was untied and led back to the cattle area. I started bawling. What a buzzkill. I watched this same scene unfold about a half dozen more times before I shuffled back to the dressing room all woebegone. I ended up missing the bucking broncos and stuff. Meh.

The good news? Anyone can be a sexy cowboy with the proper acoutrements! You can buy everything you need right there at a rodeo. One need not wrastle one single calf, either.

vashon, i do declare! 

Our stage was a huge disc that spun like a carousel. Not slow either. The stage would do 3 revolutions in one direction and then stop with a lurch to begin turning the other way. One of the stage hands told me that the clunkiness of the turning experience was due to the fact that the stage was built a long time ago and was operated by a guy using little more than bathtub knobs to control the thing.

Yee haw!  It was great seeing everyone. Can’t wait to do it again real soon.

margaritas are tastier in texas 

xok

I just got home from the Knitting Factory where Michelle and I went to see a band called Haim that we are absolutely in love with. They are 3 sisters in their teens from the Val (holla!), write weird, amazing pop songs and can play their asses off. Mish and I left with a new sense of hope that the next generation of bands might not be lost to the cult of posing and selling out after all. 

After the show, Mish and I stood out on Hollywood Blvd. in front of the club talking shop for about 20 minutes before we finally realized that our kids were asleep for the night and that we could actually stay out if we wanted to. With great vigor and vim, we skipped across the street to the Roosevelt for a drink and somehow managed to avoid the papparazzi who sneakily pretended to not notice us. Hint: if you ever find yourself in that part of Hollywood, don’t be afraid of the Roosevelt. Even though you have every reason in the world to loathe the vapid, disgusting, cultural and moral bottom feeding that the owners have chosen as their “re-branding” mission, you will be pleasantly surprised as long as you avoid the mucky muck. Go directly through the front doors and find Dakota, which is the steakhouse there. It’s really comfortable and chill and the staff happily sidesteps the douchebaggery usually associated with the Roosevelt.    

We started rehearsals today for the Hannah/Miley gig at the Houston Rodeo, which takes place this weekend. Highlight from today’s rehearsal? Singing backup vox on Achy Breaky Heart and I Want My Mullet Back with Billy Ray Cyrus.

My favorite verbal exchange??

candice: “i cant wait! i haven’t been to a rodeo in sooo long!!”

me: “…….” 

I’ll post new pictures and stories as soon as possible, but right now I must sleep.  I will leave you with a picture of me and Angie C (now shaw) whom you Boston people may know from the ‘FNX days. Angie and her sweet little family just moved to LA (redondo beach, actually) but we haven’t been able to coordinate and hang out. That is, until the MIGHTY MIGHTY BOSsTONES SHOW LAST WEEKEND!!!!! We had a blast. I really wanted to see The Streetdogs, but sadly, I missed them. The Bosstones made me and Angie feel like we were at the Rat in 1991 again. Thanks Joe the Kid for the list action and also for being a sweetie.    

last hurrah uh-huh, do it again!!

 xok

Lexington, KY kicks off our re-cap.

Apparently, we played in front of more people at this venue than any other on the tour thus far. Almost 40 million people in attendance! Can you believe that? I finally remembered to bring my camera on stage with me for the occasion. 

 my perspective on things

  joe jonas in flight

j joe jonas in flight

me and candy-o punching the clock 

 CINCINNATI 

Then we went to Cincinnati and played a show, I guess. I don’t remember a single thing about what happened there but here’s a picture that Stacy took of a crazy old bag lady that was hanging around outside of our bus one day.

 poor dear.

TORONTO

There was much hand wringing and gnashing of teeth regarding our border crossing into Canada for the Toronto show. People were extremely concerned about concealed contraband, weapons and criminal records. Me? Clean as a goddamned whistle. Except for that little thing about the stuff and the thing a few years back. It was not even my fault, but whatever. Can we stop talking about this now? Jeez.

  

Toronto, Canada.  I love Canada.  I spent my childhood summers in Nova Scotia.  Some of my favorite bands of the last decade hail from that part of North America. Beautiful, wonderful socialized medicine is a hallmark of their sense of social justice and political enlightenment. The people look foxy but are still polite and friendly. These days, Canada could even be described as a tophat on a turd, but only for another year or so. I hope.  I love you Canada, and I hope you and I get to spend more time together. Let’s not just say it, but really MEAN it this time.

Anyhoo..we got to Toronto and it was snowing. We had a day off before the show but I spent most of the day sleeping. Michael has been telling me forever about his favorite Toronto restaurant, Kit Kat and with the aid of our lovely concierge we were able to score a table at the last minute. I award Kit Kat 4 “hollas” on a scale of 1-5, which is nearly a perfect score, given my level of food-ish knowledge and snobbery. Oh, and I promise to stop using the word holla as soon as I get back

 

home and I have to act my age again.    

We went back to the hotel for a nightcap and ran into a bunch of our other tour people who had the same idea. Management was returning from a very high powered meeting over steaks and red wine and Miley had just come back from a play with her mom Tish, whom I do not socialize with much outside of work. I really like her so it was nice to have a regular conversation that did not revolve around the task at hand.

Then my 15 year old friend made us crash some company’s christmas party at the hotel. Did it occur to me to put the kibosh on the tomfoolery?  No. I seriously have no self discipline, but I do have a very fun life, so here we are. 

gatecrashers 

I danced for awhile and then snuck out so that I could catch Michael and the kiddos for a video iChat before they went to bed.   I am so close to seeing them, I can hardly believe it.  We will be living the life of Riley when we get to Boston. 

 zeros and ones make a happy family

Toronto, to be continued….xok

Last night’s show was in Portland and was arguably our best. Everything seems to be loosening up considerably on stage as the playing and singing becomes more reflexive. Even the *ahem* choreography that is part of my job is coming along nicely. Oh. My. God. At some point on this tour, there are going to be people in the audience that I actually know and they are going to witness me shaking my ass with the dancers. I’m not sure if this is thrilling or tragic. Maybe it’s a bit of both.

It has become a ritual to come back to the bus after the show and go investigate the phalanx of fans that waits behind barricades, hoping for a glimpse of Miley. Or at least someone who may have glimpsed Miley earlier that day, such as myself. Sometimes I’ll tell them I am her butler or dog walker and then take their picture:

I cannot believe the amount of people who wait every night and are happy to do so knowing that Miley will not be making an appearance. It’s so hopeful a gesture that it almost makes me want to cry.

Long drive overnight from Portland to San Francisco, where we have a day off before the Oakland show. I love this city.
Jaimie and I immediately hit the pavement for some sightseeing and ended up in Chinatown. For me, food is always the motivating factor in getting me to check out the cities we go to, so San Fran had me dizzy with the possibilities. As we walked, we saw stuff like this:

But our wandering aimlessly brought major dividends when we stumbled across an amazing Chinese restaurant. You can’t go there because I and Jamie have both forgotten the name but it was awesome, trust me. They fed us this:

And then the waiter took a picture. I am showing a heretofore uncharacteristic lack of vanity by posting this photo of myself, but if I am going to have a blog, I guess I have to suck it up.

I am going out to dinner with friends tonight but I will be thinking of Zoe Mabel and Hank dressed up as a witch and Spiderman respectively as they head out trick-or-treating. I hope I get some pix of that. I miss my babies like crazy.

xok