In The Weeds.
I used to be a waitress. I dropped out of college and needed to earn a living so from ages 18-25 I served people food and drinks. My hobby was being in a rock band so the demands on my evenings and wee hours required me to have a job that took my rock & roll moonlighting into consideration. It was said to me on many occasions by various bosses and diners that I was in fact, the worst waitress they had ever seen. The reason I was such a hopeless waitress was due to a variety of factors: my horrible time management skills, failure to consolidate tasks, the afore mentioned attention deficits and inability to prioritize, among other things. If I needed to get a diet coke for table 1 and ketchup for table 2, i would invariably make 2 trips even though the diet cokes and ketchup were in the same place. Extrapolate this stupidity forward to include 8 tables, a lunch rush and and a dozen other customer service requirements and you can see how my disorganization might result in unhappiness for everyone involved. On my end, the chaos that ensued every time I put on an apron and stuck a pen behind my ear has a chilling terminology that every person that has ever been in the restaurant business will know and fear: I was always in the weeds.
I would frequently dream about showing up for my waitressing shift only to find out that all the other waitresses had called in sick just as a busload of elderly sightseers came pouring into the dining room, demanding to be seated all at once. They would want separate checks, ice water with lemon (which I would have forgotten to slice during set-up) and endless substitutions, thus rendering the menu pointless. A couple of 4 tops of businessmen would get seated and they would be in a hurry because they only had an hour for lunch. The owner of the restaurant would decide to pop in with a bunch of sommeliers to show off his amazing wine list and reasonably expect me to open, describe and pour every one of them I would wake up in a flop sweat; just as terrified as if I had dreamt of a knife wielding rapist cornering me at a deserted truckstop. I anticipated every shift with crippling knots in my stomach, knowing with bleak certainty what was coming.
In the last few years of my restaurant career, I was taken in by a group of incredible restauranteurs who quickly identified my absurd lack of ability while taking into account that I possessed some mitigating qualities that made my employment salvageable. Some examples? Excellent penmanship (for addressing invitations), superior phone voice (taking reservations), reasonable knife skills (chopping stuff for the expo line), and good old fashioned Boston Irish Catholic charm (bartending, of course. but only on slow nights). Even after Cleo was earning a living and I was touring the world, I would go back to work for them in between tours and recording, wherever they were. It was in those years, tagging along with Christopher and Esti like an over-eager puppy, that I became passionate about food and wine, which has in turn become the basis for the happiest and most enriching substance of my life. If you are ever in Boston you MUST check them out at Radius, Via Matta or Great Bay.
Back to my initial thought that triggered this ramble. In the weeds. Those words still make my blood run cold. I am so grateful that the universe found a way to spare me and the dining public the misery of Kay Hanley, the worst waitress of all time.
-xok
April 21st, 2008 at 1:53 am
I probably would’ve thought you were a great waitress. A little charm goes a long way.
April 21st, 2008 at 6:23 am
If you have not seen the movie Waiting you should, it can get a bit raunchy but the underbelly of the story is funny.
-R
April 21st, 2008 at 9:18 am
That is totally my life right now! I’m in school full-time, waitress full-time and I have to say I’m over it. I’ve grown a whole lot socially, attaining business cards from people inquiring about future employment with them in various industries, but overall, I’m over doing 8 things at once. It’s exhausting and is totally effecting my school work. You definitely described it to the T though. I shutter thinking about the weeds…
xotracy
April 21st, 2008 at 10:47 am
While I was never a waitress, or a waiter, I did work in fast food and I remember the anxiety that comes with having to make more pizzas than will fit in the oven and having to make them correctly, with just the right toppings (and with the right amount of toppings), and having them cut, hot and ready for customers within our guarantee… Just thinking about the stress of those days makes me shudder. The sore feet you get from 12+ hours on your feet on hard tile floors (no chairs), the stress you get from cranky customers, the stress you get from answering 6 phones (all while doing everything else) and being polite each and every time…
… all for minimum wage. Something is wrong with this picture.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:30 pm
i think my only problem as a waitress is the fact that i just don’t understand how to be polite to everyone?? and i just talk to people like we’re good friends. cursing included!
so in the end… some people find me hilarious, witty, charming and smart (as they should!) and absolutely enjoy having me as their server.
and some people think i’m a huuuuge asshole (…as they should!) and refuse to ever sit in my section again.
their loss though, right?
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:29 pm
I have always wondered how anyone can master the “art of waiting on tables”. It always facinates me to see a tiny woman carrying stacks of plates with food on them and not spill a thing, or how some take down orders WITHOUT writing it down, or how some keep a smile on their face after dealing with a horrible customer. I certainly don’t have those skills. I am a good dancer, but I am not graceful in my every day movements. I am extremely organized, but only with the help if Microsoft. I am a very friendly person, but exhaustion from being a full time working mom does take its toll. So, I say thank gawd you are not a great waitress. If you were, my daughter wouldn’t be singing “We are the Care Bears” every freakin’ day!
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
i can attest to this.
i am still waiting for the pack of marlboros and a coke that i ordered from you like
12 years ago one night at tt’s.
i’d pay a small fortune to hear you sing, but if you think you’re getting a tip from me, you’re crazy.
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Some people in Cambridge ( the Cafe is now closed) claim to know you and that rumor has you being a ‘chef’! So, the rumors seem to be complimentary, since the truth is the job was waitressing…
Oh, and I think I know Esti. I wonder if she’ll remember me at all. She used to work at the Charles Hotel restaurant right? I remember she had the most beautiful eyes always awesome black eyeliner all around. I think it was around the time I saw Shirly MacLaine at the Charles during the filming of Mrs. Winterbourne. I’d never forget that girl’s eyes, but I’m not sure if that was her…
April 25th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
love the new design.
April 27th, 2008 at 12:19 am
I still have a three page letter you sent me (back when we still sent letters through the mail) when Cleo was starting out and I was, um, kind of a fan. About half way through the THIRD page you said “Well, I’m writing this while I’m at work. I guess I better get back out there.”…or something VERY close to that. Yea…I’m pretty sure you weren’t doing the “two bite check back” that day. And I hope you tipped your busser well. I just wanted to say hi, and as a waiter of 25 f’n years, what better post to say hi on. HI!!
April 27th, 2008 at 9:45 am
BOB!!!! Where are you? We were just talking about you in a conversation about Asbury Park. Let’s get back in touch - I’m dying to catch up. -xxook
July 4th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
Ah! Kay Hanley - waitress. I remember it well. The summer of 1989 at the Hard Rock. Actually, I think I caught you on a good day. An old girlfriend of mine had her obnoxious drama queen kid sister up from Florida and I was doing all I could to keep both the scene from exploding and to avoid throwing her over the bridge to the Pike. My head still hurts from both their whiny voices.
You had me fooled. You had good cover up skills.
Used to work next door at the Post Office. That’s torn down now and the Hard Rock is in Fanueil Hall. I walk through the city these days and everything looks like somebody blurred my contacts. A lot of this used to be here, that used to be there.
I salute you Kay. Dot girl makes good. I never get tired of hearing stories like that.
MJ
bassist HIXX