Kay Hanley

Here we have an exchange on my message board between me and USMCLobo, my resident conservative muckraker.  Things have gotten testy now that the conventions have played out and the Presidential election is in full throttle.  Fun!!!

Thank you for setting me straight, Lobo.  I think I’ll skip the etiquette lessons but I very much look forward to improving my “abstinence only” dialogue skills under Ms. Palin’s very capable tutelage. My children and I have so much to learn from her example. 

Does anyone else find it ironic that the Republican ticket is responsible for bringing all the sexy talk into the 2008 election? I kind of resent it to be honest, because that’s supposed to be the Democrats’ purview, but that’s okay. Granted, the right has managed to pervert this previously off-limits (unless they are trying to scare, legislate or condemn) biological imperative into a weird “sexy librarian and her house full of sexually promiscuous teens” vibe but still, it feels like the right wing has gone and lost their damn minds over Ms. Palin and I like it! The collective conservative (and beyond) lust for Sarah Palin is so brazen and undisguised that it muddies the waters for any real analysis of her candidacy for the time being. Hey, that’s what sex does to people: it makes them crazy. 

Trust me, most of the response to her has nothing to do with “experience” because if she were Sam Palin, the guy, with the same resume, there is no way she’d be in this position. But I am genuinely fascinated by the fact that she’s unleashing all this pent up missionary position fatigue and making conservative men attribute powers to her that do not exist. 

Let me amend that, her powers do exist but they are almost purely about fantasy.  I’m a woman, so I happen to know about the sway we have over men even when it is unintended.  I liken it to that fortune cookie trick where you read your fortune and add the words “in bed”.  It succeeds in changing the meaning of the words, and therefore the reality, on that tiny slip of paper in front of you every single time. Let’s extrapolate. The fortune cookie is now one of the more nonsensical assertions about Ms. Palin; that she has credible foreign policy experience because of her state’s geographical proximity to Russia. Here goes: 

• “Sarah Palin is in charge of the Alaskan National Guard so she is the one person in America who truly knows what it would mean to stare down Vladimir Putin and is ready to do so.”

OR

•  ”Sarah Palin…..blah, blah, blah…  stare down Vladimir Putin and is ready to do so.  In bed.”  

The second one makes much more sense to me. I suspect that this is what is on the minds of all the drooling conservative pundits who tout her respectable yet meager accomplishments as if she were Margaret Thatcher.  

Sorry, Karl Rove, John McCain, William Kristol, USMCLobo, Sean Hannity (Tsk, tsk. I’m disappointed in you Sean. We’ll talk later), and yes, even you Brit Hume, you fancy robot.  We can see your hard-ons and they do not lie.  Hell, I practically have a chubby for Sarah Palin and I am against everything she stands for politically.  So let’s all take a cold shower, shall we?  Because you cannot have a serious discussion about a person’s qualifications for a job when you are clearly thinking about a whole other set of “qualifications” when assessing that person.  

 Be all of that as it may, you are one smart cookie, Sarah Palin. Work that magic pussy all the way to the White House, Guv’ner, and speak the real truth to power.

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I’m just a happy kid 
Stuck with the heart of a sad punk